It’s hard but it’ll all be ok!

This is what i try and tell myself when i’m in bed and thinking about killing myself. These ideologies pop in and out of my head space like sub atomic particles. I guess depression is a little like quantum mechanics in a sense that it is very difficult to understand and there’s no way of examining it directly to get an answer. Life on the other hand can be beautiful. I have a very understanding partner and my life in terms of comfort is very..well..comfortable. I don’t have much money and it doesn’t bother me too much. read a book, have sex, eat good food, simple things, right?

I would like to offer advice and gain advice from people who have horrid depressive episodes. I would like to share what makes me feel better with you. I don’t take antidepressants. my reasons are my own and i will talk about that another time. My goal is to create a consistent lifestyle for myself. I’ve been through plenty of lifestyles. some positive and some pretty ugly.

In this Blog i am going to share every shitty thing that has happened since i started getting depression. Also, i will share the better things too as it can’t always be glum around here. I feel i have enough stories to get through. My point will be that despite all of these stories, i still exist to tell them. I have been close to suicide more than a dozen times. The feeling to end it all can feel so close I have felt the breath of death himself. I know deep down that i wont but it’s ever too reassuring when the god of low moods visits. Maybe through my stories you can relate and it may help you. however, this is my way of reaching out and talking about my mental health in a positive way. men are dying, it’s a bigger problem than we think.

Also i am going to stick to this blog until it has reached it’s goal. I may do a post a day or five. even so, i’ll do it as i see fit. Screw the rules and i hope i’ll learn a thing or two along the way. It may even help me when i’m feeling at my lowest. Or maybe i just want to meet others who are like myself. I also want to improve on my writing skills and i do hope you enjoy what i have to write. thanks.

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